Real Sex (No, Really)
Two days ago I received a note from a fellow who, although he liked many things about Marie & Jack and Xana & Dax, was rather disapointed that both love scenes ended with external ejaculation. Here’s a bit from his note (used by permission):
These videos have what I have been looking for that is missing from the usual “porn” videos with one exception. You claim that these represent real sex but in both cases the man pulled out prior to cuming and we were shown proof that he came…
Maybe these couples actually have sex in this way but I doubt it. If they do I suggest using some couples who do not as well. This was a particular issue in the Xana & Dax video where he spent some time masturbating himself to climax. Why miss out on the wonderful sensations of being in your woman before cuming unless you are not able to do so for some reason. That, to a large extent, ruined the movie for me.
Also, my wife does not often watch explicit videos because she misses the loving relationship aspect of sex that makes it good for her. There is much in these movies that I suspect she would enjoy but I am sure she would be put off by this as well. She has made similar comments about other explicit videos.
He was also concerned that this might also be the case in Matt & Khym, which he had on pre-order. I wrote back:
Dear XXX,
Thank you for your thoughtful e-mail. It very succinctly addresses some of the vagaries of shooting sex scenes of people having unscripted and and undirected sex. With your permission I’d very much like to use your letter in an upcoming blog post. FYI, Matt and Khym’s love scene ends with Matt ejaculating inside of Khym. No particular effort is made to “prove” that he ejaculated, but afterwards Khym does reach down to catch a little on her finger and taste it.
Yours,
Tony Comstock
This seemed to (mostly) satisfy his concerns:
From your response I take it that Xana & Dax and Marie & Jack choose to handle the men’s ejaculation without any direction or suggestions. If so I wonder if that is how they normally have sex or if they did it that way because they thought that it might be expected, maybe from watching “normal porn”. You might want to make it clearer to those you film that they don’t have to do things differently, especially that.
I am not complaining if that is normal for them. It just seemed faked because of the way men’s ejaculation is handled in most porn.
The “might make it clearer” comment reminds me of the conversation I had with Desiree in the weeks prior to shooting her and her husband Ben.
“Oh, so you don’t want him to cum all over my face then?” she asked in response to my saying I just wanted them do have nice normal natural sex.
“Um well,” I stuttered, ” I don’t want you to do something you don’t enjoy when it’s just the two of you just because the camera is there, or because you think we want or need you to do something like that.”
“Oh no. I love having Ben blow on my face. I think it’s great, we do it all the time!”
“Well okay then. Please don’t let our being there inhibit you!” (It didn’t. Desiree had three orgasms that were very nearly disturbing in their intensity.)
Meanwhile, a tempest in a teapot seems to be swirling over similar question about what is and isn’t real over at SuicideGirls.com. Between kids, station wagon, suburban tract house, and a BMI of 26, I’m not really an alt kind of guy, (and even when I was young and broke and played my guitar too loud, I still wasn’t wasn’t an alt kind of guy) so I don’t really know that much about SuicideGirls, besides the fact that the chicks have downtown hairstyles, tats and piercings, and the photography style tends toward the deep focus/small focal plane style that I don’t really dig.
I do know what I thought I knew about SG, which was that I thought it was some hip, alternaporn site, run by technologically empowered female scenesters who were using the internet and cheap digital cameras to deconstruct the traditional pin-up. Okay, that’s cool in concept, even if I don’t really dig it as art, let alone as stroke material. Now it turns out that maybe SG is just some site run by some guy who’s making money off a lot of 18 year old girls’ yearnings to be a little less anonymous in the celebrity-obsessed world that we inhabit. Somehow that doesn’t seem quite so hip.
So what’s it all about, Alfie?
Back during that internet thing, people would sometimes say, “Content is king,” and the inflection they used seemed to indicate they thought they were offering a pearl of wisdom. Well here’s my pearl of wisdom, at least when it comes to making sex films: Context is king. Context is king, and when you use ‘reality’ as your conceit you walk a fine line. Most audiences are sophisticated enough to know that “the truth” is not the same thing as what you would have seen if you were on the set that day. But they’re also sensitive enough to know when the “reality” you try and present is too far way from what they would have felt if they had been on the set.
I don’t know what the “truth” is about SuicideGirls. The truth about Comstock Films is that all the way along there is a conspiracy between me and the couple I’m working with to present a very idealized portrait of their sexual relationship. It’s no more (or less) real than the nightly news or a novel.
Before their scene I asked Matt and Khym how they intended to enjoy Matt’s orgasm (experience has taught me not to assume that a “real couple” doesn’t enjoy the “so fake” external pop shot). When they told me that he was going to cum inside of her, I made a couple of suggestions for how we could visually signal the audience “yes, it really did happen.” The result can be seen in that lovely Comstock Films button that Mrs.C made for us.
Does that ruin it for you? I hope not.
September 22nd, 2005 at 11:37 am
Well, personally, i rarely come inside either of my partners, at least when it comes to vaginal sex: partly because, even though they’re both on contraceptives, none of us want a pregnancy; and partly because my partners enjoy taking my cock in their mouth as i’m coming.
So yes, i can assure your correspondent that at least some of the people not filming a porno also pull out prior to ejaculation.
Having said that, i don’t need to see ejaculation in a porno; i’d be completely happy with any ejaculation being ‘internal’ (if you know what i mean!), especially since it would more accurately reflect the diversity of people’s actual sexual practices.
September 22nd, 2005 at 12:59 pm
I am a creampie fan myself. It just seems that internal cum shot seens are all too rare in most porno. Not only that but many external pop shot scenes are very badly done. It would seem to me another good way to diffrentiate your films from the ordinary by including a large portion of internal cumshots.
September 22nd, 2005 at 3:06 pm
Amen to what the last guy just said…..sick and tired of “pop shots”
September 22nd, 2005 at 9:42 pm
Interesting email discussion. Thanks for sharing it.
Some of my thoughts…
In my personal life and porn life where a guy ejaculates tends to vary on who I am with and what is the context of the situation. Birth control options play a role. I shoot porn most often with my husband and he usually ejaculates on my face because that is what we enjoy most and it is what works best for us in terms of the demands of having sex and working the cameras at the same time.
As a porn viewer I am not sure if a cream pie is much different than an external cumshot. To me if it is done with the emphasis on watching it drip out it is pretty darn similar to it dripping off a woman’s face or breasts. You just miss the shooting out part.
If you want it to be like real life you will likely get something very different than you see in most every kind of porn. When I used to be on the Pill and my husband came inside me you had me running with my hand on my crotch to the toilet so I could let it out here. I suppose it might be amsuing for one shoot but not hundreds.
September 28th, 2005 at 10:37 am
I wrote the original email that was quoted.
I am not necessarily looking for creampie either. If that is all I want there are other videos I can get.
When having sex with my wife I don’t normally come outside of her unless we have an “accident” while she is using her mouth on me. That can lead to fun laughter but doesn’t happen much because after 23 years she knows how I will respond. Also she does not head off to the bathroom till we have spent some time cuddling, touching, and talking. It sometimes makes spots on the bed but that’s OK.
Holding her as I cum inside her pussy gives both of us a feeling of great closeness as well as being great fun. When she makes me cum in her mouth and then spends an extended period of time continuing to gently use her mouth to give me pleasure I feel very loved. However, I understand that others enjoy different things and that’s fine.
The real problem is that the terrible pop shots in most porn have created bad asociations for me. They have made that seem fake to me, not something that a loving couple might enjoy doing.
I sent my original email after one hurried viewing of the DVDs just after they arrived. After viewing them again the way the man ejaculates does not bother me as much. Maybe because I was suprised the first time because it was something I only expected in what I consider poor porn or maybe because I paid more attention to the interaction within each couple while they were talking as well as having sex.
In response to other comments. Depending on pulling out for birth control or expecting it to help much in addition to other birth control is not a good idea. There can be a lot of sperm in the pre-cum. More than enough to do the job. My wife can’t use the pill or related methods for medical reasons. Getting a vasectomy after our third child was one of the better decisions I have made.
September 30th, 2005 at 9:38 am
Just to clarify - I use a diaphragm which has a 10% to 20% failure rate combined with withdrawal which has a 20% failure rate. I also consider my very regualr monthly ovulation and menstrual cycle when allowing for internal versus external ejaculation. And when I am not in the mood for all that we use condoms. I feel I am making very well informed and responsible choices for me and my partner.
November 30th, 2007 at 7:30 am
[...] director and a disappointed viewer. This is a post I made back in September of 2005 entitled Real Porn (No, Really): Two days ago I received a note from a fellow who, although he liked many things about Marie & [...]