One Of These Things Is Not Like The Others…
Three new reviews for MATT AND KHYM last Thursday. From the couple sexuality website Freddy and Eddy:
“Love stories and Porn don’t usually go together, in fact they never seem to cross over or even intertwine. Comstock Films doesn’t produce porn, they in fact produce true love stories. Hence, Matt and Khym was created. The story of Matt and Khym is truly a love story, where the audience are introduced to two people who fell in love in their teens and yet show such a strong bond with intense erotic wantonness years later. We then follow along and become voyeurs to watch how their relationship blossomed into the wonderful art of lovemaking.”
From S&SM on Amazon:
“Matt and Khym is a wonderful introduction into the joys of married sex. When you look at this movie, you can see the genuine love Matt and Khym have for each other. Matt and Khym are so candid in talking about their life in and out of the bedroom that you come away feeling like they could be your next door neighbors or close friends. The scene at the end of their lovemaking when Matt looks lovingly at Khym is the way any girl would want her guy to look at her. I replayed the promo at Tony Comstock’s web site over and over again, just to see that look.”
And from L. Fox, also on Amazon:
“I first read about this DVD in the O magazine and thought that it might make a fun gift for my husband and I as we are trying to have a second baby and it can become less about us and more about the having to get the job done. We have never watched porn together and I thought something with a little class might do the trick. Within ten minutes of watching this movie we were both so turned off that we had to distract ourselves and try again later.
“I found the man (matt) so slimy and repulsive that I felt dirty watching him just talk. His wife made a comment about how her friends thought he was a dirty old man that only wanted sex from her and I couldnt believe my ears, Dirty man definately hit the nail on the head. My husband who was suprised by my gift, very quickly became annoyed by the amount of talking and the fact that they were so uncomfortable looking to us.
“We now have a DVD that besides the fiscal cost, nearly cost us our own passion for eachother and sex. We have hidden this dreadful DVD in the closet and are trying to find fun ways of getting rid of this waste of time and money. I would not advise spending a penny on this product, I wish I hadnt.”
Woah! Wow! Ouch!!! My mantra when making films is “Whatever you do, don’t ruin someone’s evening!” and it looks like I failed (bigtime!) over at the Fox household! Two things about this review are especially distressing:
Mrs. Fox really (really!) reacted badly to the way I portrayed Matt, and that makes me feel bad for both of them. I spent a lot of time talking with Matt and Khym before we did the on camera interview, Matt is a devoted, loving and sensuous husband, and when people agree to appear in one of my films they put a huge amount of trust in me and how I portray them. If Mrs. Fox found Matt “slimy and repulsive”, I’ve failed both of them.
The second thing is that it sounds like there was a lot riding on this DVD at the Fox household. Peggy and I have two children, and know that baby-making can be stressful enough, even when everything is going right. It would have been thrilling to hear our DVD helped make the baby-making seem “less like work,” but instead we just made things worse. Hearing that makes me feel just awful!
Of course this all a part of the package put yourself or your ideas in the public eye. Not everyone is going to like what you do; some people are going to hate it; and when you tackle love and sex, you’re wading into territory that is heavily laden with whatever each individual viewer brings to the show. When a film makes a connection it can be powerfully positive, or profoundly negative.
Anyway, you take the bad with the good, that’s life, and I’d guess Mrs. Fox’s feelings are hurt more than mine or Matt’s. You can’t please everyone.
August 26th, 2007 at 3:50 pm
There was a line in Thomas Harris’s “Hannibal” that stood out for me:
“The worm that destroys you is the temptation to agree with your critics, to get their approval.”
I read that review and my impression was that Mrs Fox seems to have been turned off by the physical appearance of Matt. And her husband didn’t like all that nasty talking. If we consider that she had no previous experience of porn (but he did) then I think they had different expectations.
You really can’t please everyone.
August 27th, 2007 at 2:58 am
Hello Ms. Naughty!
I think there must be something more going on. Perhaps any given woman might not think Matt was her idea of a perfect dreamboat, but there’s nothing about his looks or manner that could provoke such a strong, negative reaction, lest there was something else simmering beneigth the surface. I can’t help but be curious what this film touched in Mrs. Fox that made her so upset.
August 27th, 2007 at 12:27 pm
I would tend to agree that there was probably significant projection occurring in Ms. Fox’s perception of the movie. I also find the Foxes’ experience unfortunate, as I enthusiastically support others’ (safe/consensual) sexual exploration, enhancement, and enjoyment. Like Tony, I would have been delighted to see a review that expressed such an experience in the viewing of Matt and Khym, since I myself was so moved by the film. I found myself disappointed to see that this wasn’t the case this time.
For the record, I found Matt unquestionably appealing (found both of them so) and, as I have expressed both in an email to Tony (which appeared on this blog) and in my own Amazon review, the experience of the couple simply delightful. Being a writer myself, I usually cringe when I see other artists’ offerings criticized, not because it is not part of the process, but just because my own experience of criticism as such has often seemed so uncomfortable. On that note, I am impressed by your posting of the review here, Tony, and what I perceive to be your honest and nonjudgmental response to it.
Really I just wanted to reaffirm my adoration of the Matt and Khym DVD and thank you once again not only for it but for doing what you do.
By me, at least, it is truly appreciated.
Namaste.
Sincerely,
Emerald
August 28th, 2007 at 5:12 am
Hello Emerald, nice to see you’re still reading
One thing that I try to keep in mind is that films that hold the promise of dealing with sexuality in a genuinely grown-up and entertaining way are so very rare, the whole experience of buying and watching can end up being a very high-stakes game, even if you’re not trying to get pregnant.
For example, after hearing about JCM’s “Sex Project” for five years, and especially since I really liked “Hedwig”, my hopes for “Shortbus” were probably impossibly high. Add to my impossibly high expectations my annoyance at his “wave away the erotic haze” publicity drumbeat – well if I rated “Shortbus” based on my reaction to things outside the frame it wouldn’t have been very good review.
Someday maybe grown-up films about sex will be as common as grown-up films about war, and our (my!) disappointment when a film doesn’t connect won’t be quite so acute.
September 1st, 2007 at 9:07 pm
Hmmm, the “not like the others” review has been pulled from Amazon. Can’s say I’m too disappointed; everyone’s entitled to an opinion, but something in that writeup was just a bit “off” to me.
September 2nd, 2007 at 3:56 am
Yes, we saw that too, and can’t say we’re sad to see it go. I know that not everyone is going to like what we do, and perhaps this person or that will dislike what we do very much. But that review really went beyond the pale. Something else was going on that had little or nothing to do with the film, and I’m very sorry that Matt ended up being the subject of such vitriol.