Last Friday I did an interview with Yacht Blast’s Gary Brown in the cockpit of INTEMPERANCE whilst anchored in Simpson Bay on the dutch side of St. Maarten. Gary wanted to ask me what it was like to be a first time skipper on the non-trivial passage from New York to the Caribbean via Bermuda, and I was glad to share my experience with Gary and his listeners; not because I’m an expert offshore sailor (far from it!), but because I’m an expert on what I did.

Through out my (so called) career as a documentary filmmaker, that’s always been my philosophy in how I tell stories. Yes, occasionally I talk to experts, (mostly for context and exposition) but I am primarily interested people who are actually living the story. In 2000, when I went to Zimbabwe to make a film about the phenomenom of child-headed households in the wake of the HIV/AIDS epidemic, I talked to a few experts, but mostly I talked to the children, some as young as 10 years of age, who were left to look after their younger brothers and sisters after their parents died. Not so many facts and figures, but a lot more humanity; at least thats’ the way I see it, and that’s what interests me; not facts and figures, but real human stories.

It is precisely for this reason that the label “educational” chafes a little. Yes, I understand the role that our films can and do play in educational and theraputic situation. It’s unbelievable that after more than 100 years of cinema, it falls to yours truly to provide a simple, normalized view of sexuality; and I’m told that my films are found to be useful in situations as divergent as the rehabitation of sexual criminals to providing reassurance and encouragement to couples experiencing intimacy problems, to a simple “visual/emotional aphrodisiac” for couples how are already experiencing a robust and satisfying sex life. But my films are decidedly not “how to’s”, and more than that, I think there’s a real danger in how-to’s

Bill (of Bill and Desiree) touch on this in this passage from near the end of Love is Timeless.

And I had some further thoughts about education vs inspiration and the surfing concept of “stoke” in my post from last year titled “Not Everything Is Mt. Everest (Selling Sexual Dysfunction)”

As I related this to Gary, he told me about backing his way into telling the story of how he and his wife survived being capsized in the Bay of Biscay, and how important it was that his experience not be contextualized as expertise.

“The sea is different for everyone, and what worked for us in that situation might be the exact opposite of what would work in another situation. ” said Gary, and my mind flashed on the woman with whom I had a serious relationship while I was just out of collage, particular how different how she enjoyed cunnelingus was from how my wife enjoys it.

“Laura” liked it hard. I mean really hard. I mean I had a callous on the inside of my lower lip from using it as a pad to keep my teeth from cutting into her. She liked my chin pushed into her. I’d contrive ways to cantalever myself so I could bring the weight of my body to bear on the task.

By contrast, Peggy likes such a light touch, I nearly have to make a game of *not* touching her. Save the fact that it’s my mouth and a women’s vulva, I’d scarcely call two undertaking by the same name. Against these divergent realities, what constitutes expertise? Like Gary and his wife, fighting for their lives in the Bay of Biscay, and ultimately surviving, what more is their to say beyond, “This worked for me in this situation, but mostly you have to listen, mostly you have to pay attention.” Like the sea, sex is different for every person.

—

Once I made the decision to make the trip from New York to the Caribbean, I scoured the internet looking for material that would give me an idea of what it might be like to be “out there”, but mostly I was disappointed. The stuff written by experts was laden with, well, expertise. The stuff on YouTube, while convincing in its authencity, was under produced (for all the promiss of this new DIY media age, making a good video still requires more investment in time than most amateur efforts can afford to invest.)

Before we left for our passage, I had had the thought I might shoot some footage along the way and produce a video, something along the lines of “Bluewater Sailing: I did it and so can you!” but I spent most of the trip either hanging on for dear life (New York to Bermuda) or simply soaking in the experience (Bermuda to St. Maarten.) I don’t think I took more than 10 minutes of footage the whole trip, and what footage I did take is decidedly unprofessional looking. Some more rumination is in order on whether I have anything to offer the sailing world in the form of a film…

In the mean time, here’s a photo of where I am now — Marigot Bay, working on Brett and Melanie, and anxiously awaiting the arrival of my wife and daughters.

INTEMPERANCE lying at anchor in Marigot Bay, SXM

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