Violet Blue is pissed off:

This is not some obscure sex blog.

Who has unashamedly, happily (even proudly) linked to Tiny Nibbles from a mainstream site? Sex sites aside, here is a list that reveals why anyone who says they must obfuscate linking to my website for whatever (read: moral) reasons are no longer part of the modern media mindset regarding web standards:

Forbes, CNN, Google Inc. (as a 2x Tech Talk speaker), Web MD, MSNBC, cNet, ZDnet, Globe and Mail, RH Reality Check (UN sponsored health news outlet), BBC, New York Times, SF Chronicle/SF Gate, Gawker, Wonkette, Defamer, Gizmodo, (YES) Boing Boing, Laughing Squid, Oprah, ETech (proudly on the front page with photo), Wall Street Journal (same), South By Southwest (interactive and film), Mediabistro, Adrants, LA SF and Gothamist, Technorati (with photo, remember them?), Wired (many times), American weeklies like Villiage Voice + SF Bay Guardian + Seattle’s Stranger + LA Weekly + SF Weekly, LA Times, Webnation, Chicago Tribune, SJ Mercury News, The Institute for Ethics and Emerging Technologies, Attack of the Show, Newsweek, PBS Mediashift, CBS Healthwatch, National Public Radio (NPR), CJR (Columbia Journalism Review)… and more second tier news/media outlets. Links are available upon request.

These people have all, and currently from the features, speaking engagements and media items, all link to this website. I’ve kept quiet about these bragging rights. But times have changed. Don’t tell me it’s an issue to link here, or show that you do. If so — you’re clearly not paying attention. And old media is leaving you in the dust.

Get over it, and welcome to global consciousness about human sexuality.

I know just how Violet feels. In 2007 I was pissed off and hurt when PBS refused a link to ComstockFilms.com on a story they did about the Great Google Bug, a story we broke in late 2006. Here’s our post about the Google Bug (Will Google Kill Comstock Films?) Here’s the PBS story (Google Search Snafu Can Have Huge Impact on Niche Blogs), and here’s me venting my frustration and hurt feelings (PBS Disappears Sex Links?) The gist of my ire was that while the story was picked up by Boing Boing, The New York Post, Search Engine Land and a few other places, PBS stood alone in refusing a link to our site. From my blog:

Perhaps it’s just an oversight. I hope so, but ten years’ experience of trying to bring the best of what I have, as a filmmaker and as a human being, to the depiction of sex makes me doubt that’s the reason that the PBS article doesn’t link to Comstock Films.

We’ve had printers refuse to print our inserts and posters because they were “pornographic”. I had my words used without attribution, let alone a link. Hell, I’ve even had a government ban one of my films from an entire continent.

So when PBS runs a story that started with a post that I made on my blog, and then doesn’t even link to my blog, it doesn’t surprise me. Am I disappointed? Yes. But surprised? No.

This is par for the course. Last month CNN re-ran Violet Blue’s 2007 Oprah article about “porn for women” and linked to a Christian sleep-away camp for grown-ups, but couldn’t bring themselves to link to Comstock Films or Marie Beatty’s site, both of which were also mentioned in the article.

This past Spring I had to virtually bully one of our films into the Sex Positive Documentary Film Series at the University of Illinios at Chicago because the series’ curator was worried she’d get in trouble if she showed a sex positive documentary film that actually showed sex.  Just like Violet’s post, I dumped a credentials avalanche on the series curator to show that I wasn’t just “some obscure sex film maker.” It all turned out okay in the end; the film was a big hit with the audience, and there were no negative repercussion for the series organizers, but the experience left me drained and discouraged.

And last year, on Christmas Day, I got to see our Penis/Clitoris Google SafeSearch research called out on Violet Blue’s San Francisco Chronicle column with links to people writing about my discovery, but without a link back to my original post.

Like I said, it’s par for the course. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt my feelings every time it happens. And as readers here know, when I get hurt, I get angry. And when I get angry, I write a letter. Here’s the letter I wrote to The Chronicle, including the preamble I was going to put in the accompanying blog post:

So Much For San Francisco Values (An Open Letter to Frank J. Vega, Publisher and President of  The San Francisco Chronicle)

Long time readers may recall that this blog broke the Great Googlebug story of late 2006 with our post “Will Google Kill Comstock Films?” The story was picked up by BoingBoing, SearchEngineLand, The New York Post, and PBS (through it’s SF affiliate KQED,) and several other. Of the websites that picked up the story, PBS was alone in its decision not to link to ComstockFilms.com. The explanation from PBS/KQED (delivered without irony) was that if their readers *really* wanted to find Comstock Films, they could google it…

Late this year we broke another Google related story with the post Penis vs. Clitoris. The story was picked up by Susie Bright, WebproNews, and just last week, the San Francisco Chronicle (through Violet Blue’s column.) And once again, the San Francisco news outlet separates itself from the pack by refusing to link to our site. I’ve already spoken with Violet about this. Apparently as far as her editors at the Chronicle are concerned, we’re to consider ourselves lucky that they’ve even printed our URL, as other sites that Violet has referred to in her column haven’t even been granted that (second-rate) measure of respect.

Naturally I am frustrated.

Of course I’m grateful that Violet has used her column to raise up this story, both for the benefit that brings to Comstock Films and because I think the story itself is an important reflection of so much of what our films hope to address. But I am furious about the Chronicle’s editors’ refusal to link to our site. It is a slap in the face, delivered on Christmas morning, and I am stung.

When it comes to sexuality, media outlets often adopt a condescension and entitlement that they would never dare with any other topic. Over and over again we are forced to measure our principles against the value of column inches; we are asked to distinguish between “half a loaf is better than no loaf” situations and when we are being asked to eat shit.

This morning I’m pushing the plate back and saying “no thanks.” I hope Violet understands:

Dear Mr. Vega,

My name is Tony Comstock. I am a documentary filmmaker working out of New York City. I am writing you in regard to the Chronicle’s decision not to link to a blog post  on our website which is the primary source for one of the “top five underreported sex stories of the year”  in Violet Blue’s December 25 column.

Violet Blue has been a long time friend to our efforts, and we are grateful to her featuring our research into Google’s “SafeSearch” in her column. Our films are made with the specific intention of addressing how and why sexuality is treated as it is by society; and how Google’s taxonomies and filters function is an important part of that conversation.

However, I would respectfully suggest that if the Chronicle thinks a story is important enough to fill its pages, when possible The Chronicle should link to the source of said story; if not out of courtesy to the source, then out of respect for Chronicle readers. The ability to link directly to sources is the very essence of what makes the web a unique medium, and the failure to do so is unprofessional, and disrespectful of both your readers and your sources.

The professional slight aside, your newspaper’s actions are personally wounding. In my fifteen years as a documentary filmmaker, I’ve covered topics as diverse as AIDS orphans in Africa; to the effect of the Civil Right movement on our visualization of God; to the spiritual aftermath of of the 9/11 attacks on New York City. For the sake of addressing these  and other topics honestly, I’ve subjected my audience to images the dead and the dying, and to personal accounts of unimaginable horror. I’ve asked my audience to see things no one should ever see, and to open their ears and their hearts stories of misery and deprivation, in the hopes that out of the suffering, something human and uplifting  might be found. I have no doubt that if Ms. Blue or any other of the Chronicle’s writers were to site this work in an online column, readers would have been given a link without a second thought.

Yet somehow, when the topic is sex, your newspaper can’t seem to located its journalistic ethics, or even common decency. A cursory search of the your paper’s website shows that its editors are more than happy to “sex-up” their pages with accounts of all manner of endeavors they are unwilling to link to. In the last year, my own company and our films have been mentioned several times on the Chronicle website, with nary a link. But this latest episode simply goes to far. In Ms. Blue’s column the editors have linked to a secondary source, Susie Bright’s blog, while refusing to link to the post on our site which is the primary source of the story. Presumably this because Chronicle editors feel their readers will be able to “handle” whatever they might encounter on Ms. Bright’s site, but fear the content on ComstockFilms.com might cause reader grievous offense.

What offense this might be I’m sure I don’t know. Our films have played in festivals and received awards in festivals worldwide, including: The Melbourne Underground Film Festival, The Sydney International Gay and Lesbian Film Festival, Outfest Atlanta LGBT Film Festival, The Long Beach LGBT Film Festival, and the Tel Aviv International LGBT Film Festival, The New Zealand LGBT Film Festival; each time to enthusiastic audiences who have found our films heartwarming.

Our films are held in the library of the Kinsey Institute at the University of Indiana  in Bloomington Indiana. Our films are used as teaching and training material at Planned Parenthood,  at The Gay Mens Health Crisis in New York City, and at the San Francisco Sex Information Hotline. Our films  are used in university courses on topics ranging from film studies, to sexuality, to women’s studies, and by private therapists across the country.

In the course of this endeavor, our site has been linked to from Richard Corliss’s collumn at Time.com; Andrew Sullivan’s Daily Dish at TheAtlantic.com; Women’s Health Magazine website, Tango Magazine Website, Jane Magazine Website, New York Post website, and many others. The links from these various and respectable sources did not provoke a flurry of angry letters, cancellation of subscriptions, or diminishment of these various publications’ prestige.

The Chronicle’s failure to link to our site is nothing less than hypocrisy, and whether this hypocrisy is a product of prudery or cowardice hardly matters. It is the same sort of hypocrisy that Google indulges in when they write their SafeSearch filter so that it returns over 33 million page for [penis], over 4 million pages for [glans], but not a single page for [clitoris] (the very subject of Ms. Blue’s column.) This sort of hypocrisy is pernicious, corrosive to civil society, contributes to a climate of shame and doubt around sexuality, and unworthy of a news organization with the storied history of the San Francisco Chronicle.

More over, I am a human being. The couples that appear in my films are human beings. We are not here to provide your newspaper with the opportunity to titillate its readership at one moment, then be shunted aside as second class citizens in the next. We are not here to be demeaned by the craven insinuation that linking to our website and the depictions contained therein would somehow be beneath the editorial standards of The Chronicle, or inflict trauma on its readers.

I would respectfully ask that the Chronicle provide readers a link to our blog post which is the foundation for the Chronicle’s news item. Failing that, I would ask that Chronicle editors give a candid account of their guidelines for external links, and how the decision not to link to our website was reached. I’m certain such an accounting would be illuminating for all parties concerned.

The courtesy of your response is greatly appreciated.

Yours sincerely,
Tony Comstock

I didn’t end up sending this letter to Mr. Vega. Whether that was the right decision or the wrong decision, I don’t know. Part of fighting well is knowing when not to fight, and if anything I suspect that sometimes I am too eager to get into a scrap, and maybe sometimes I end up cutting my own nose to spite my face.

But if you don’t ever fight, they win. That’s par for the course too. I guess that’s what Violet’s working out when she says “I’m working it out in my head so as to avoid an international incident.” Working it out, when half a loaf is better than no loaf, and when you’re being asked to eat shit is never easy. Whatever decision Violet comes to, I wish her the best.

A couple of days ago an update from Jiz Lee popped up on my twitter stream, “Doing favors for HBO” I flashed back on my and Peggy’s not altogether positive experience with the HBO back in the Fall of 2005 and shot back “Remember, they won’t do any favors for you.”

A day later I was on Jiz Lee’s blog reading 15 minutes of Lame? an account of HBO’s visit to Madison Young’s set via text-messages with Lee’s partner Syd Blakovich, and featuring an open letter from Young:

In being a sex positive feminist pornographer I strive to create a positive environment for my crew and talent. I feel like much of that environment and communication was compromised between me and my crew by having a mainstream network in our space and commanding and overriding decisions that should have been left up to me and my crew if they were interested in documenting our sex positive productions and practices. But instead we were all stripped of our power, left feeling exploited, and disempowered by a mainstream entity.

I wish I could say I was surprised, but I’m not. If you want to know why I’m not surprised, come back with me to October of 2005. But before we go time-traveling, I want to make sure I’m not misunderstood, I’m not saying that Madison Young and company should have known better. If you haven’t worked with TV people there’s no way in the world you can begin to imagine how slick and ruthless they are.

As a friend of mine put it, “When you go in for the interview for a TV producer’s job, they ask you, “What if, in order to get the story, you had to do something that you knew would ruin a man’s life, destroy his career, cause him to lose his wife and children?” And if you hesitate for even an instant, if you flinch, or twitch, the interview is over, you don’t get the job.”

If that sounds like an exaggeration, maybe it is. But not by much. Now on with story time.

Back October of 2005 we had just two films out, MARIE AND JACK: A HARDCORE LOVE STORY and XANA AND DAX: WHEN OPPOSITES ATTRACT. We were also sitting on top of the raw footage for seven more of our erotic documentaries, all shot on film, and representing a a huge investment of time, money, and social capital. Comstock Films was not yet self-sustaining, but it was trending in the right direction. We were living on a combination of savings and what comissioned work we were able to take while working full-time to finish DAMON AND HUNTER. Peggy was eight months pregnant with our second child.

HBO first got in touch via e-mail. Polite, interested; they had seen the Time Out New York cover article, and  they were looking at doing an East Coast edition of their Real Sex spin-off Pornucopia. Would we come in and talk?

Now to that point I had never seen Pornucopia, but I’ve always hated HBO’s Real Sex. In fact my hatred of HBO idea of making a “sex documentary” was a lot of the early inspiration for Comstock Films. Add to that the fact that I am, at best, ambivalent about calling the films we make “pornography” and I was more than a little conflicted about this “opportunity.”

Still, it’s HfrickenBO. We had survived Stacy Grenrock-Woods’ snark in Esquire magazine, and the exposure had a noticeable and positive effect on our income. Peggy and I started to weigh up the benefits of all that “great exposure” we might get on HBO vs the possibility that they would contextualize what we do in a way would be completely at odds with the reason we make the films we make.

To that end I got in touch with Shar Rednour and Jackie Strano of SIR Productions, and Jessica Holter of the Punany Poets Society. Both had appeared in HBO Real Sex segments. Both said the exposure had been good for their companies. Jessica cautioned that, “HBO was really pushy. They wanted my cast to do stuff we didn’t want to do. Make sure you know what you want, and don’t be afraid to say no.”

So okay, forwarned is forearmed.

HBO wanted some background information, so I wrote up a narrative of my and Peggy’s life together as husband and wife erotic filmmakers. I sent over DVDs of MARIE AND JACK and XANA AND DAX.  According to Google maps, it’s 116 miles from our house to the HBO offices. We made arrangements for childcare for our older daughter, and we made plans to drive into the city and hear what they had to say.

Suffice to say my anxiety was running high. I know what my sell out price is, it’s $10M. For $10M I will suck a donkey dick at halftime of the Superbowl and I will like it. Then I will take my $10M dollars, get myself a boat that’s big enough to have a tomato garden in pots and me and my family will never be heard from again. I was pretty sure that whatever benefit we might get from “exposure” on HBO, it wasn’t going to add up to $10M. I was also pretty sure they weren’t going to want me to suck a donkey dick on national television. I was worried that what they might want might be worse.

In hindsight, the first red flag came up when we asked them if we could get copies of previous episodes of Pornucopia. “No, that’s not possible.” Hmmm. But as luck would have it, the very episode of Pornucopia that Shar and Jackie were in was on the night before we were supposed to meet with HBO. So at about 11PM the night before, me, Peggy, and her belly settled in to see what this Pornucopia thing is all about.

Shar and Jackie came off fine. They were presented as the alternative to the Chatsworth porn scene; sort of a “meanwhile, 400 miles north” thing. They were interviewed in front of a painted backdrop, because nothing says “serious documentary” like a painted backdrop, with cut-away provided by footage from their own films.

Chi Chi LaRue came off like a big campy queen. Was that what he wanted? I don’t know. But it was the gay-for-pay segment that I was really glad we had a chance to see before we met with HBO.

The gay-for-pay segment was about straight men appearing in gay porn films. They interviewed a cute “all-american” couple where they talked about how it was no big deal, just a job. It was a lot like our interview with Marie and Jack, until they got to the cut-away footage.

There was Ms. Cute, on the set while Mr. Cute was sucking dick and getting fucked in the ass. Shot of Mr. Cute sucking cock (can’t actually show that, of course, because it’s not porn, it’s an HBO documentary,) cut to shot of Ms. Cute looking bored. Shot of Mr. Cute getting fucked, cut to shot of Ms. Cute looking at her watch, they looking away.

But then killer, the shot that I’ll never forget. Mr. Cute has finished his scene. He leaves the set and goes over to Ms. Cute. He moves right up next to her, everything about his body language says this is a “check-in” moment. He goes to kiss her, but right at the last instant she turns away from him, eyes down cast.

That’s the signature HBO touch. There’s always a lesson at the end of every episode of Real Sex. These people might think they’re having fun, these people might think they’re happy, but they’re not. They’re kidding themselves. They’re fools. They are sad, pathetic fools.

Right there at that instant I knew that Peggy, and me, and Comstock Films and the people in our films were not going to be on HBO. The pressure’s off. We’ll drive in and take this meeting as a drill, like going to a job interview for position you don’t want at a company you don’t want to work for.

—

When we get there everything is very nice. The producer’s assistant comes down and meets us in the parking garage. She starts gushing about how much she liked MARIE AND JACK and XANA AND DAX, “They’re so different. They’re not like porn, they’re like real movies!”

We go upstairs where we meet the producer. I’ve google-stalked her and know she’s got a trust fund supporting her ambitions to work in “the media”, not uncommon in New York. She’s typy, fit the mold a media shark, which sets my guard up, but Peggy and I already know where we stand. She leads us into the director’s office. I’ve google-stalked him too, so I know he used to be a network news magazine producer/director, but never quite made it to Nightline or 60 minutes. He likes our work too, or at least he says he does. I tell him thanks, but we’re really excited about the upcoming, shot-on-film productions. I make a point of telling him how my wife shot a film camera for the first time on DAMON AND HUNTER because I know being this cavalier about burning film stock will set a certain tone. (Thanks Bob!)

Just as we’re settling in to our chairs, the producer whips out a PD150, “Can I just get some footage of you guys? To show the brass?” The phrasing is of a question the person asking thinks she already knows the answer to, but she’s wrong.

“Um, gee, I wish you had asked us about this earlier so we would have time to talk it over.”

“Oh it’s not going to be used for anything.”  Yeah, sure, right. You’ve got another Mr. and Ms. Cute couple, she’s 8 months prego, and they make porn. Cut to close up of Peggy’s bulging belly.

“Maybe if you had let us know you were going to need some footage to show the brass, we could have talked it over. But since we have to make up our minds right here on the spot, I’m afraid the answer is no.”

“It’s going to be really hard to sell them on your segment without footage.”

“I’d like to think that our films speak for themselves. But if they don’t, I guess it’s up to you to figure out how to get your bosses to buy in.”

Of course at that point the meeting is over. We’re not three minutes in and it’s over, and a little awkward. So I start camera-wanking with the director.

“Well we’re pretty low-budget so we shoot a pair of Super16 modified ACLs, record the audio wild on a video camera on a master shot, then match-back visually for audio sync,” this is actually a pretty clever hack for shooting sync sound, he’s leaning forward.

“Then we telecine frame-for-frame at 30fps and then bring it back to 24fps in cinetools to match the 24p video we shoot for in the interviews. It saves 25% on telecine and there’s no interlace.” This is a very very clever hack and a little over his head.

“But don’t you have to add pull down when you go back out to tape?”

“No, we never go back out to tape. DVDs support 24P playback. Pulldown is added at the settop level. Fewer frames, no interlace, higher data per frame rate, better compression quality.”

From there conversation shifts to the student/teacher ratio at our older daughter’s school, and life on the East End.

“It’s like having your kid in a private academy.”

“Yeah, pretty much, but with more socioeconomic diversity.”

I’m half fronting, and enjoying the look of bewilderment on his face, but it’s half real too. Maybe he’s getting the best foot forward version of our life, but nothing I’m telling him is a lie. Another five minutes and that’s enough for excusing ourselves not to be awkward. We never heard from HBO again.

–

HBO wasn’t our last opportunity for “great publicity” and it wasn’t the last time we said “no thanks” either. The CBC has their own version of Real Sex, (I forget what it’s called) and they wanted me to put together a whole shoot, at my own expense, so they could came videotape my “process”.

“I’d be delighted to be interviewed for your show, and I can make footage from our films available at your standard rates for stock footage. But you won’t be able to videotape us filming a couple. I run a closed set. You’re presence would be disruptive.”

“It wouldn’t have to a real shoot. Just something to get some footage of you doing what you do; looking through the camera, calling shots.”

“That’s not how I work. If you’d like to give me $25,000 to co-produce a segment for your show, we can talk. But I can’t produce a fake segment at my own expense for your benefit.”

And that was the last time we heard from the CBC

After our films appeared in a very nice Women’s Health article by Jamye Waxman, another WH writer wanted me to by their “expert” for a sex-choreography article they wanted to run that was to be called “Slick Transitions”. It was supposed to be advice for couples on how to move smoothly from one sex position to another; and somehow the idea was that because the editing in my films is smooth, I could be an expert on how to go from woman-on-top to mish without popping out.

Absurd. But in the name of “good publicity” I gave it a go.

I wrote  clear, lucid, affirming advice on the importance of NOT WORRYING ABOUT STUPID SHIT LIKE THIS WHEN YOU’RE MAKING LOVE, and then gave examples from our films of how couples move from position to position, sometimes staying coupled, but also enjoying the opportunity to become “re-coupled” if a position change required. Woman’s Health was especially hung up on some sort of shower choreography. I told them I’ve never witnessed anyone in making love in the shower and that my advice based on my own experience was “Be careful! And don’t use the water knobs and handles. They won’t take it!”

The writer loved what I gave her, but when the copy came back from the editors, all my variously lovely advice about not getting hung up on it was gone, all my references to couples in our films actually managing a “slick transition” was going, replace by some sort of  Arthur-Murry-meets-Sex-in-the-City bedroom dancestep advice. The shower advice was “Press your bodies together, now step forward until you’re both under the spray.” Peggy and I worked it for 15 minutes and could not figure out what the fuck they were talking about. Best we could come up with was standing doggy, but goddamn that’s a big shower if one of you isn’t under the shower spray already in standing doggy, let alone having room to move anywhere.

I wrote back to the writer, “I can’t have my name on this. It’s not what I wrote, and I’d never give anyone advice like this.”  A couple days later I got e-mail from the editor, subject “Case Closed”

Hi Tony,

As the editor on the Slick Transitions piece authored by Liza Monroy, I wanted to deliver the news that we’ve opted to run with an alternate source for the Slick Transitions piece. With this and all stories, we confirm the accuracy of information with more than one source per article. I’ve been told that you expressed several concerns with various attributions and tips - and thus, given your reservations and our timeline, we’ve chosen to use another expert for the piece.

Best,
Kristina

Yes, more than one source, cause that’s what you were taught to do in J-school. Back then you thought you were going to be working at the New York Times, but instead you’re running phony bedroom choreography advice were you don’t even take the advice of your (so-called) expert. My response:

Hello Kristina,

I’m not sure what happened between the discussions and e-mails I had with Liza and the final copy, but there must have been some crossed wires. A couple of the “tips” were exactly the opposite of my suggestions, while others addressed ideas that Liza and I never discussed. Whatever the case, I’m relieved you were able to find a secondary source, especially on such short notice! Now let just hope nobody slips in the shower and sues!

Sorry for the mix up!

Yours,
TC

I don’t know if the article ever ran. I don’t know who their “other expert” was. I do know we never heard from Women’s Health again.

–

Did I make the right decisions in these and other instances? I don’t know. In 2005, when we said “no” to HBO, we were in a tough spot, barely scraping by. By 2007 when we said “no” to Women’s Health, things were going pretty well. Now we’re somewhere in between. “Good exposure” is an important part of how we let people know what we do. No easy answers in life.

But I do know this. I think the films Peggy and I have been able to make are special. And I think that the people who open their lives up so we can make our films are special too. And as the Chief Cook & Bottle Washer here at Comstock Films, part of my job is to be a steward of that specialness; to push it out into the world, of course, but also to guard it and keep it safe. To not let it be debased or exploited.

I also know that if you do work in the public eye, this sort of thing will come up over and over again, and figuring out what to do is never easy.

Near the end of last year sex writer and educator Violet Blue called out my penis/clitoris Google Safe Search discovery in her San Francisco Chronicle column as one of the Top Five Under-reported Sex Stories of the Year, but the Chronicle wouldn’t link to my post, only to Susie Brights post about my post. But then a few weeks later Violet called me out in her Twittersexuality Chronicle column as a “porn personality”, complete with a link to my Twitter account.

I didn’t tell Violet I wasn’t so thrilled with the Twitter thing, but I did let her know that I was more than a little upset about the failure of the Chronicle to link to my Google SafeSearch post, and that fighting back might make for a useful PR opportunity for me and Peggy, and I sent her an advance copy of the letter I had loaded up and was ready to fire off to the Chronicle’s publisher. At Violet’s request, and in deference to her long record of supporting our work, I didn’t send the letter. But I’m still not sure I did the right thing.

I do know that I haven’t heard from Violet since she asked me not to send the letter. Not even an acknowledgement of my e-mail telling her I would not send the letter. Is she angry? Hurt? Scared? Or just not interested in what we’re doing anymore? It’s hard to know.

I’m sorry for the people on Madison Young’s set who felt powerless and exploited. I don’t mean I feel pity, I mean I feel bad. Reading Jiz Lee’s post I get a lump in my throat and an ache in my chest. But a lot can happen in the editing room, and editors are a different breed of cat from producers. The best thing for now is to hope that the footage finds its way to someone who has a soul.

Long time readers may remember my post from early January of 2007, The Secret Formula for Making Boring  Porn, Part 2, and may also remember that it ended up linked to a Boing Boing post entitled “Media overestimates porn industy’s girth.”

The reason we got that traffic-driving, google-rank improving link is because I spoon fed the information in the post to Boing Boing editor Xeni Jardin. I sent her the link to my post. I sent her the links to the ADT post she quoted, I sent her the link the the Luke Ford post she quote. I gave her the Forbes links. And I put them all in context so it would be easy for her to turn it into a news item. This is how the modern world of media works. You send out notes to gate keepers like Xeni Jardin or Andrew Sullivan, or Richard Corliss, and sometimes you get a mention. This is how a guerrilla operation like the Comstock Films public relations department (i.e. yours truly) monetizes expertise, experience and cunning. (more…)

Distribution thought for the day:

You will never see Violet Blue’s EROTIC ROLE PLAY: A GUIDE FOR COUPLES in the remainder bin at Barnes & Noble.

What can I say? I was just over at TinyNibbles.com and saw that Violet has named ASHLEY AND KISHA: FINDING THE RIGHT FIT to her Top Five of 2007 list! Also on the list:

Triple Ecstasy, dir. Kimberly Kane
Debbie Loves Dallas, dir. Eon McKai
Tristan Taormino’s Chemistry #3, dir. Tristan Taormino
Skateboard Kink Freak, dir. Maria Beatty

Okay, that’s going to far. Let’s try again.

Stacy Grenrock Woods Has a Cunty Job

A few years ago Stacy Grenrock Woods was a correspondent for The Daily Show. She mananged to parlay that into a gig as a columnist for Esquire Magazine, which means that instead of doing her schtick under the guise of a reporter on a fake news show, now every month she does schtick under the guise of magazine sex advice columnist. For example, from the July 2005 edition of Esquire:

“If this all seems too flashy for you, you may want to try a title from Comstock Films, a company that specializes in films of real couples having real sex, documentary style. Founder and director Tony Comstock offers an alternative for those people who find themselves turned off by the established porn aesthetic… but the real-life approach has drawbacks as well. The chance of Chinese-character tattoos and yellowed futons increases by about 70 percent with this kind of thing. Basically, it all comes down to this: There’s porn, and then there are movies Diane Keaton would like. The choice is yours.”

Nice. Thanks Stacy.

This month Stacy takes on stinky pussy (Is this really a problem? In all my bachelor years I never encountered a twat that didn’t smell and taste divine!)

And some experts (the ones who would talk to us) don’t rule out that your diet could indeed be influencing what the bloggers keep referring to as your “congealed salmon and battery acid” flavor. (But don’t let them bother you. Take it from me: They’re just jealous!) Garlic and onions spring to mind. Curry is far from innocent. Antihistamines, too. Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus author Violet Blue (who was kind enough to speak to me now that Blue Indigo Violet is no longer accepting my calls) posits that one can sweeten one’s taste by drinking “a smoothie that contains cucumber, mango, and pineapple juice once a day for three or four days,” and hopefully by that time, anyone who was considering oral sex with you will have moved on.

Needless to say, Violet Blue is kinda cheesed about this, the school yard name bullshit adn the gynophobic “sex-advice” too. I expect anyone who grew up with the name “Grenrock” knows a thing or two about the former.(Bonus: when she posed for Playboy in 1989 she listed “rudeness” as her pet peeve. Oh the irony!)

Here’s how it works.

The phone rings or there’s e-mail. An Esquire researcher wants to talk to you about an upcoming article. You are flattered, you are excited. The researcher is polite and interested. You tell them all sorts of stuff. When they ask you about other companies you list S.I.R. Productions as “female-friendly” porn. (Absolutely true, but probably not what they had in mind.) The researcher jots all of this down, thankful that he’s found a one-stop shop for all the notes he’s going to pass along to Stacy. Stacy never talks to you, she never sees your movie or anything from the other companies listed.

A month later you get a call from a fact checker. She wants to make sure that Comstock is spelled C O M S T O C K.

About a month after that the article comes out. Of course you are not happy to see something you care about, something you’ve worked hard for, made sacrifices for, treated like a joke.

But the next day the searches for [comstock films] are up, and over the next month or so sales rise too. Not enough to retire, but maybe enough to hire a baby sitter and take your wife out on a date. You feel a little less angry and disappointed, and a little more circumspect.

You will get more requests; magazines, newspapers, television. Some of these requests represent genuine interest in what you do, many do not.

You’ll feel flattered that someone regards you as an expert. But, because you feel like the “little guy” you will feel anxious when someone wants you to say something or do something that you don’t want to do. You think about how nice it was to spend an evening out with your wife, you think about the bills that come due each month–whether or not anyone buys any of your movies.

Then you say no.

When you say no you’ll get a note like this:

RE: Case Closed: Slick Transitions Story

Hi Tony,

As the editor on the Slick Transitions piece authored by Lxxxx, I wanted to deliver the news that we’ve opted to run with an alternate source for the Slick Transitions piece. With this and all stories, we confirm the accuracy of information with more than one source per article. I’ve been told that you expressed several concerns with various attributions and tips - and thus, given your reservations and our timeline, we’ve chosen to use another expert for the piece.

Best,
Kxxxxxx

The next month sales will be down, and you won’t know if it’s because your Google traffic is off, or because your name wasn’t in the that magazine. You will wonder if you should have said yes. You will wonder if you’re getting treated differently because what you do is about sex, and you’re supposed to be grateful anytime the mainstream press takes an interest. You live on coffee and bile for a few days (not a healthy diet.)

Then something will happen that will remind you why you do what you do:

I have issues with sex.

I’m a sexual abuse survivor. Anyone who’s been sexually abused comes into sexuality with a handbag and 2 trunks of emotional baggage. I’ve been on SS Denial since I was a child…

A link took me to www.comstockfilms.com. Dubbed: ‘Real People, Real Life, Real Sex’ the site explores sexuality for real. In a documentary styled venture into 2 people’s life we meet, and enjoy, the couple and then venture into the velvety movement of their bodies.

I must say. I was stunned. I’m not a fan of porn. I am disgusted by a lot of what is sold to men. The fairytale behind that isn’t charming, in my opinion.

But watching the clips I thought, wow. Oh my goodness. So THIS is sex. For real. And I loved the charming banter of the couples.

I feel grown up right now. Like a real adult. I’ve confronted one of my demons — enjoying a sexual experience — and I can actively admit that I enjoyed it.

I can only guess at what sort of personal baggage Stacy brings to her writing about sex, but I know all about the cultural baggage. It’s Tyra Banks making a cheap, undermining joke about faking orgasms; it’s ASHLEY AND KISHA getting banned, while DESTRICTED plays across town; it’s Stacy’s foul quip about congealed salmon and batteries acid. (Attributed to the blogging community, but Google comes up empty. Maybe that’s a peek into Stacy’s personal baggage after all.)

It’s that, when it comes to sex, it’s more acceptable to be flippant, condescending, disgusting, than it is to be sincere.

British art and culture critic Bryan Appleyard is trying to say something about fame and the internet and “Web 2.0″, but since he gets nearly all of the technical details wrong, it’s hard to tell what point he’s making, other than that he doesn’t like a lot of what he sees on the online.

Of course no curmudgeonly rant about the vapidity of the internet would be complete without a mention of sex and porn. So who’s Bryan’s target? Violet Blue! Writes Bryan:

“In Web 1.0, human nature expressed itself primarily through lust and greed. Everybody was trying – and failing – to find new ways of making money, and delivering pornography was the main purpose of the web. Both are still present in Web 2.0, but they have changed. Making money, through online gambling and advertising focused on individual users, for example, exploits the new levels of interactivity. Pornography is now delivered with streaming video and, frequently, high levels of interactivity. In addition, there are now porn social-networking sites. You can post your home-made porn on one site and join in the fun as a voyeur on another. And there are endless sites offering the full 2.0 sex experience. Violet Blue calls herself a “pro-blogger, podcaster, vlogger and femmebot”. She’s written “ultimate guides” to cunnilingus and fellatio and, of course, The Smart Girl’s Guide to the G-Spot. Her site is a sex shop and supermarket of self-promotion – lust and recognition all in one super-refined techno-package. As one leading British thinker put it, “How come the highest technology is always used for the lowest purposes?” (Emphasis mine.)

I can’t tell you who Bryan’s “leading British thinker” is. The quote only returns Bryan’s diatribe on Google, and it’s not in any of the quotation books I have either. Pity, because I’d like to see the context of the quote, and make my own judgement as to whether this “leading British thinker” believes the enjoyment of sex is “the lowest purpose.” Obviously Bryan does, which I suppose explains why he is so sardonic about his advancing age.

None of us are as young as we used to be, Bryan.

Unlike Bryan’s blog, Violet’s doesn’t even allow user comments, which are the sin non qua for Web 2.0. Nor is there any other aspect of user-interactivity on Tinynibbles.com, and there’s even less adverting than on TinyNibbles.com than there is on Bryan’s site.

Bryan, why such a hard-on for Ms. Blue?

Photo from Violet Blue’s TinyNibbles.com

Ten years ago I wanted to make a film that actually showed people enjoying sex that would be good enough that HBO would put them on the TV. Then Peggy and I actually met with the producer and the director of Real Sex and decided I didn’t care if my films were ever on HBO.

Five years ago I wanted to make a film that was fully intented to make people aroused that would be good enough that Sundance would play it in their film festival. Then Sundance played Destricted and I decided that I didn’t care if none of my films ever played at Sundance.

Two years ago I was talking with Freddy, of FreddyandEddy.com about how much the media loves the “nice normal couple, but omigod! they make PORN or they sell SEX TOYS” and how yeah, it’s an angle, but it’s an angle that kind of misses the point – that most of the time, sex is nice and sex is normal.

Then Freddy went on to tell me about how he and Eddy weren’t going to do anymore magazine interviews or TV appearances or any of that stuff, unless it was….and then I finished his sentence by saying “Oprah.”

The couple of stores that sell magazines in our town are already closed. I guess I’ll have to wait till tomorrow to see if they have the July issue of O magazine.

Violet told me about this a couple of weeks ago, and I hinted at it in our last newsletter. But I guess now that it’s posted on the TinyNibbles.com website it’s official – Comstock Films is getting the Oprah Winfrey seal of approval. Says Violet in her O Magazine article:

“Comstock Films’ Xana and Dax and Marie and Jack — insanely high quality production documentary style videos about couples deeply in love, who talk about how they met, and sex, and then show us all how they make love to each other. Shot on film, thigh-clenching chemistry between people who are sexy as hell and really love each other.”

Insaneley! Deeply! Thigh-clenching chemistry! I am insanely, deeply, thigh-clenchingly excited!

I am also wondering what the hell is happening. If we’re living in a world where Violet Blue is giving Oprah Winfrey advice on what to rent so she can heat things up a stay home date with Steadman, or enjoy a nice gushy afternoon wank with herself, can cold fusion be far behind?

I’m also thinking that porn (or erotica or adult films or whatever the fuck you want to call them) has officially run out of excuses for being lame, and that includes me. The bar has been raised on what’s possible, and crybaby excuses (including my own) aren’t going to cut it anymore. Thanks to Violet, the door is open (more like kicked clean off its hinges!) Who’s going to have the gumption to walk through it? Here are a few candidates:

Tina Tyler

Tristan Taormino

Audacia Ray

Maria Beatty

Now I can already hear the Chatsworth old-guard, “Well O is a chick magazine and those are all chick directors.” True enough. But riddle me this, Batman: when was the last time Esquire, or Maxim, or even Playboy called out four male porn directors in one issue?

Feel free to answer (if you can) in the comments below. I’m not going to hold my breath.

(BTW, watching movie The Color Purple is a major plot point in our newest film Ashley & Kisha. I love these sorts of coincidences!)

We’ve had our share of problems with Google and Adwords and the erotophobic bias of the English language. Now it’s someone else’s turn to go through the rinse cycle.

Don’t Be Evil (Or A Dyke, Or Trans), Violet Blue’s Open Source Sex

Of course you can just do what Elora’s Cave does and make sure not to use any of the Google-verborten words that are the meat and potatos of your books anywhere on your website.

It can be hard not to be ashamed when nearly everywhere you turn, if you want to reap the benefits of particpating in the larger culture, you’re told you have to act like you are ashamed; substituting coded language and knowing looks for real ideas and authentic emotions.

(I don’t know what our favorite Hells Kitchen lumber yard is going to do if they ever feel they need to do some Google Ad words.)